I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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