take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
