I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
