I'm drive I can fine osifer
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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