you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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