So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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