Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
