Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
