I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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