i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
