she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I am mentally ready for anal.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
