Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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