Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
