Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
