This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
