to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I am midnight drunk by noon
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
