eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
