Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
