I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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