how can u be prego again
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
