stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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