I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
