apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
