why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
