ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
my poor anus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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