and you said cock pushups were impossible
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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