Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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