Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
