We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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