You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
