when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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