Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
