Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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