Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
