Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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