"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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