I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
