That's when you crack a 10am beer
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
