Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dick very happy bro
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
