why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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