that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
you would pick up someone in the library
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
