Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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