I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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