i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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