Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
