i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
