I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
