Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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