I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
