The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
