Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
