Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
