I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We don't watch enough power rangers
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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