already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
