marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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