the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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