She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
