I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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