the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
