Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
