you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
