he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
