no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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