worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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