my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
