woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
