We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
