So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
