i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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