covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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