The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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