Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
