i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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