I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
